Hmm. Probably. I'm initially annoyed at the inconvenience of having to wear pads. I haven't worn underwear that covered my butt since well, childhood, really. Boy shorts are for sleeping, hence considered clothing, not a delicate per se.
As the weeks pass, I begin to feel the brunt of the no-sex, no-fun mandate. I realize chastity is considered the realm of women, but I personally think it sucks. Chased not chaste por favor.
As if sensing my frustration, my body decides to do me a favor by skipping a period. Great. I am now an arid wasteland. Periods have always been Mother Nature's way of playing her hand in my affairs. Ex suddenly circling around, voila suddenly it lasts 10 days instead of the usual 4, as if to say nuh-uh, not happening. Or as when I'm defiantly stuffing emotions down where the sun don't shine and generally emoting like a man (read, not at all), here comes the full-fledged PMT and it's crying jags a-plenty. I'm forced to surrender to the emotions, and I hear her whisper, it's the way.
So while I'm relieved with avoiding pads and not having to feel like I'm sitting on a sock all day, I actually miss my period and begin to feel a bit disconnected. The Golden Venus calls, "So..how's the Deep Revirginization going?"
"Great" I quip, "am watching Cate B in Elizabeth white paste herself, shave her head and marry herself off to England. While reading a tech manual. In keeping with the theme, you understand. I think I've married my work, darkling. Hmm, does that mean I fuq work? Or not?"
"Depends how long you've been there," she says. "Uh, over a decade," I reply. "Not," she answers. We both have a laugh.
I think about the lull I'm in, it's not a pause. It's a total reset. A few years post-break up with a man I call The Sewer, I'd gone through a period where practically everything changed. My car, my laptop, my phone, my bed, my hair, even my front tooth. HE was a very hurtful thing who left me so shredded, it was like putting a puzzle back together. He was that damaging.
It feels like a thick line is being drawn between the past and the future. And the last and final change would be healing my broken vagina? Maybe so. Maybe other broken things will follow.