It happened on a Friday, precisely one day before I meet Serbia. I had the sudden urge to ferret my supah phone out of my car at 3 in the afternoon and end up gawping at it as his message blinks at me. Short but sweet, plain yet meaningful. Behind it lay all the skill of his craft and the weight of his sentiment. He starts with , "So yeah..it's been forever.." and in a few paragraphs tells me that he had no intentions of harassing me or causing anxiety but that he always thought of me. That he realized he had behaved awfully. That I didn't deserve it. That I was good and special. He hoped I could see he was sincere. He hoped I was happy.
Then of course, he passive-aggressively left his new number right underneath his name.
When I'd finally called a halt to the Sewerage, he had left no part unbroken. Physically, I needed to own myself again. He had manipulated me so thoroughly that there wasn't a day my soul didn't apologize to my body, if it wasn't my soul it was something. Some faint voice that grew louder each day. Finally, after a month I took matters in hand and began to search purposefully. My terms were clear, my history laid out and the offers poured in. I needed intimacy with someone I chose. My choice. Not anyone else's.
This is where the Cappo Comedy Writer comes in. Our encounter was manufactured and intended but the experience as it turned out, was far beyond that. It was months before we met, and only then as I'd quipped that I saw him as my "mysterious email friend". "E-mail?, " he repeated. "Why just email?"
"Oh, because. I doubt we'll ever meet. It's been a few months and after that time, it becomes hard to give up the illusions you have for the reality," I explained. "But it's alright, I like what we have."
There was a long Do or Die Pause before the next message came. Whatever fear he had, he overcame and finally, we met. He had been a bit "liberal" with his photo, by at least 40 lbs! Even if he did carry it well and was nonetheless, attractive. Still it was the physical difference between expecting Spider Man and getting Wolverine instead. I'd sat there annoyed, eyes narrowed but as he smiled over something, I didn't even know why he'd bothered. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
Of all the things to have in common, he too had been badly betrayed in a serious relationship. We were both in for some kind of catharsis.