Oh, so she was counting. This dance with B HAD been going on for that long, and we ran back to each other because we'd learned more than anything, to respect our differences. B did not get to me the way Mr. X did. We appreciated the quiet comfort we found in each other, even if laced with the fascination for how such solace could come from our contrasts. The thought that I could've gone further with Mr. X and the kind of damage it could've done if instead it had ended after years, parlayed itself into a shudder.
"Really?," I ask disbelieving yet finding relief at the thought of mutual dissatisfaction. Now that I'd lost him, I wanted at least the fancy of Mr. X's possible longing to keep me company. "Wow. I suppose that's true. And you actually get why I may see B again??"
I smile at this, thinking of the numerous times Librans have always been suspected of harboring a Free Love Policy when things are as yet unsecured by contract. Was it similar to NAFTA, except it would be NAFLA - the North American Free Love Agreement?
"But you know I DID feel guilty..like for a bit," I reminded her. "And why should you!?," the Lovely Libran counters soundly, then modulating her tone simmers down, "No need to feel guilty, B was already displaying distance, and that's tacit. If he wanted to secure your attentions, he should've simply done what he needed to do to claim them. Perhaps he should've taken the time to cycle to you?" Hmm, Mergers and Acquisitions anyone? She is however, quite right.
One could never replace the other. I was glad I'd always known and appreciated B simply for who he is, even before Mr. X loomed into the picture. Having all this happen didn't so much encourage comparison as I thought it would. It only proved I'd been truly present with B, and I'd managed to see him in his entirety. Even if he couldn't do the same, mainly as I think he's unable to - I am the Rubik's cube to his practice of Tetris. Mr. X's arrival on the other hand, proved how yet again the Universe can sometimes surprise us. How it can deliver beyond our ideas and articulations, or for the silent, beyond what we cannot even say.