Rules meant to protect can just as easily entrap when we forget to infuse them with the living breathing now. I'm bald about my sorrow, however embarassing or undignified it may seem. I'd avoided the question of expectations simply as the limits of the situation would contain it. That I was brave after he'd reassured me he wanted this is simply who I am. That he was afraid after he'd finally convinced me not to be was where Mr. X was.
There's no one to blame or fault. Love comes and you greet it with a warm welcome. Never turn it away like an unwanted guest, even if you have to be careful around it. Soon enough, we all find whether or not it can live in the humble home we offer. In the doors of our hearts cracked ajar or thrown happily open. In this case, it couldn't - at least not for Mr. X.